Seriously. I want to be a good influence, for the most part. And since this knee surgery signifies a sort of new beginning for me, I want to use the opportunity to right my ship. Here are the things I’m planning, along with the superficial reasons to be inspired to do them. This is basically me talking to myself, but if a minion or two can find something useful here, that’s reason enough for me to share my goals with you.

You’re Zane: clean up your act. Zane has stopped smoking, drinking, and doing drugs, and he’s dedicated himself to making his body a powerhouse. He intends to be healthy and happy for a very long time.

• Livestrong. If you join, I am abiroux. Friend me. I’ll shame you into being motivated just like Ty shamed Zane into quitting smoking.
• Daily Workout app. 10-30 minutes a day so you’ll be one of those hot people Ty would hit on and Zane would offer a goofy come-on to.
• Couch to 5k or Zombies, Run! app. This may never be possible for me since my body is basically built not to run, but … damn it looks fun.

You’re Ty: everything has a place. That little hint of OCD in Ty’s life, plus all those years of military precision, mean that his home is spotless and organized. And the gay in him means that the throw pillows coordinate with the paint.

• Unfuck Your Habitat. ‘Terrifying motivation for lazy people with messy homes.’ This has Ty written all over it. I recommend the app, personally.

You’re Deuce: take a chill pill. Deuce has gone through all the ups and downs of life in stride, and nothing bothers him for too long, mostly due to his laid-back attitude and ability to bed the bendy yoga girl whenever he feels like it.

• Zen Habits. Some of these aren’t possible for most of us, and some of them won’t be for you. But there are kernels of truth in a lot of these articles. The key is finding your happy place and staying there.
• The Energy Shop. I’ve gotten two bracelets form this place, and I love them. Something tangible to help you to your goals isn’t a bad idea.

You’re Liam Bell: you do what you want.

• Troll.
• Baseball.
• Travel.
• Write.
• [insert favorite thing ever here]